Life as we know it....: August 2008

What does it mean to be a Christian? That's a loaded question for many. Here's our story for why we are and how we have a Christian. Pull up a chair and please excuse any typos, it's a long post today my friends, get comfy.

It all stated back in September of 2003. My father in law, Pop-Pop, Charles or Charlie as we called him, was very ill with congestive heart failure, not doing well. We decided to take the family back home from CA to SC to see him. Hannah our youngest, this was only her 2nd time ever meeting her "pop-pop", they connected immediately. A bond was created never to be broken. He was in okay health and the trip was great. In November, he passed away. We decided to move back East to be near his wife, Bob's mom, Joan. We took Xander out of school and made a fun 2 week vacation for the move and decided to see all the sight across the lower US while driving back east. I find out I am pregnant mid trip on our coast to coast drive across the country.

Many days we would find Hannah playing quietly by herself but talking to a "playmate". When we would inquire who, she simply responded "pop-pop". Okay we thought she is keeping him alive in her memories. Little did we know.

In May of 2004, we traveled to Arlington National Cemetery to properly inter the remains of my father in law who proudly served in WWII and would be honored with a full military service. At the service, volunteers make these beautiful cards with a small flower and ribbon as well as scripture and writings on the card. I kept these with the intention of putting them in a scrapbook with photos I had taken during the service. One was in my car. This a very powerful, moving service and was one of the most amazing things I have experienced. The entire family was there, it was beautiful way to honor a great man.

We always knew that our son's middle name would be Charles, after one of the most wonderful men I have ever known. I loved my father in law as if he were my own father and to this day, I have wonderful, usually funny, memories of this great man. It was an easy decision, Charles was always meant to be our impending son's middle name. The first name on the other hand was a running joke. We had unofficially decided on Ethan however Bob tried to talk us all into Angus. I told Bob that look at our other children. Xander was never going to be the tall or large one, Hannah was (and still is) a pixie and none of our children would ever be able to support such a large name like Angus. You've got to exude confidence with that name. Xander HATED that name. So one day while driving, I told Bob (with Xander listening in the back of course) that I decided I liked the name Angus and that we should just go for it and it would be Angus Charles. Oh my goodness, the flurry of words that came from Xander were fast and furious. "Absolutely not, it will be Ethan Charles and that's final" he said. Then in the same breathe he said, "No, it will be Christian Charles". We just laughed and dismissed that notion. Christian was NOT even in our top 100 names on the list, nope Christian would never be his name, how would I break this to my dear son who felt he was naming the new babe???

The next week at the doc, Xander and Hannah were with me as always at each appt, checking out the sonograms, hearing the heartbeat and just chatting up the doc in general. As we were sitting there, Xander proceeds to tell the doc that I named him, his dad named his sister and that HE was naming his new baby brother and that his name would be CHRISTIAN Charles. Oh dear, we are in a pickle now. His heart is going to be forever broken when I eventually tell him that this will in fact not be his name. How to tell the 9 year old this was a great stress for me as I wanted him to feel involved in the process.

We are entering summer break for the kids, I am 31 weeks pregnant and life is great! Xander is going to go to his first ever week long spend the night camp with Clemson University. He has always been an animal lover and was headed on a Monday to spend a week in Awendaw, SC living in the marshy areas, boating and being educated at the university's Marine Sciences camp. He was over the moon. He goes off to camp, we mail letters to make sure he gets something from us every day and again, life is grand! He'll be home on Friday, I am looking forward to hearing all about his trip.

On Thursday, Bob calls me from work to see if Hannah and I would like to come up to Summerville to have lunch with him? It's June, mind you, hot sticky summer days are upon us and traveling 25 miles pregnant with toddler in tow was not my idea of fun. I politely told him thanks but I'll see you when you get home. Ever have the feeling that you just deflated someone? I felt exactly that as he didn't normally call me to meet for lunch so of course, I picked that phone back up almost immediately and told him that we were on our way, see you soon honey!

We had a DVD unit in the ceiling of my SUV which was installed for the coast to coast trip and the kids knew it was never allowed to be used in our around the town trips, it was special for long trips. On the way Hannah asked if she could watch a Disney movie and I was feeling very generous that day so sure, why not? She was happy, life was good. The journey to meet Bob had been uneventful and I called him on my cell to tell him I was exiting the interstate and would be there in about 5 minutes, I was about 3 miles away. Life was good!

I never made it for that lunch.

As I turned onto the surface streets, 2 cars followed me off the interstate and away I drove. I headed around a curve. In SC the roads are not known for being well built or maintained and there are very few shoulders or medians. My back right tire left the road going around the curve, blew out and caused me to roll my SUV 3-4 times. All I could think about was my daughter strapped into her car seat and the only thing that played over and over in my head was, "Oh God NO, please NO". In the blink of an eye the car came to a rest laying on the driver's side in the ditch on the side of the road facing the opposite direction I was traveling. The people behind me rushed to my aide. He immediately went to my daughter and could not get the 5-point harness released so of course, without even looking, I reach behind, release the harness and he pulls her out of the window. No sounds are made. She isn't crying, she isn't yelling, she is completely silent but I know she is alive.

The same gentleman comes to my aid, rolls back the windshield and helps me to walk out the front glass. Much to his amazement, he realizes that I am 7 1/2 months pregnant. I tell him to give me a cell phone as I have no idea where mine is, I need to call my husband. I cannot reach Bob so I leave him a message that I have totaled the car and am on the main highway, come pick us up, I want to go home.

I ask, no tell, the kind gentleman to give me my daughter, who is still not upset in any way, she is completely calm and eerily quite. He says NO and refuses to hand her to me. At this point, not only am I angry I have totaled my car but I am angry because I want my daughter and a complete stranger is not handing her back to me. What is wrong with him? He asks me to look at myself. I do and realize I am covered from head to toe in blood, glass and fear. I feel nothing. I feel no pain, I have adrenaline coursing through my veins and I am near shock.

Within seconds it seems, the ambulance arrives. They are speaking to me gently, telling me that it would be best for me to lie down but not before I put on the neck brace. The strap me to the gurney, Bob arrives. His face speaks volumes, I am now officially scared yet I still feel no pain. I am rushed to the ER where they give me steroids shot directly into where my son is hopefully resting and safe. They want to increase his lung capacity in the event of early delivery. They check to see if the uterine walls have become separated which would mean immediate delivery of my child who is not ready to be born. They monitor heartbeats, mine and his. They whisper. They come in and out only staring in disbelief and apologizing that they have to be so obtrusive. They look at me with sadness in their eyes but yet hopeful that my baby boy will endure the hell I just my body through.

What I didn't know was that my face was the size of a football and about the same color. My head hit that DVD player, that normally would not have been open, every time the car rolled. It was a violent crash. I had major head concussions, cuts, scrapes and bruises. I had broken my back in 2 places. My T2 and T4 were crushed but not in need of surgery. I had glass from head to toe, it was in my ears, hair, pockets, under my nails, it was everywhere as all the glass but the back window had broken out. Hannah had no glass anywhere. She has no cuts, scratches, scrapes or bruises. It was as though she was not in the car. How did this happen? She was there wasn't she? The side where Xander would have been sitting would not have been spared so well. The ending to this story would have been true tragedy. Thank God he was at summer camp. Everything was coming together.

I spend the night in the hospital. It is now Friday, oh dear, I need to be released I tell them, I need to pick up my son from his first week at summer camp. He'll be devastated if I am not there. No, you are not going anywhere Mrs. Grove is their reply. Bob arrives at camp and is immediately greeted with "where's mom?". Bob proceeds to tell him that I was in an accident and his instant response was, "is she dead?". Oh my, how powerful children can be and how much we want to shield them from all the heartache in the world. It was very difficult for Bob and Xander wanted to immediately come to my side. Oh how I needed my boy there. I needed to love on him thankful to be alive. I just didn't want him to see me, how scary for a young boy.

While I was also in the hospital Bob talked with Hannah and he asked her point blank if there was anyone in the car with her during the accident. She immediately responded with, "yes, pop-pop was there holding me". He was carrying her, holding her and comforting her, we honestly believe it. He died to protect his grandchildren and his future namesake. He was there loving us and guiding us to safety. Charlie was our Guardian Angel.

My baby is fine, I should be able to carry him to term but I must not overdo it and I need to "relax" for the remainder of the pregnancy. And oh yeah, you must wear this Minerva brace that keeps your head forward and goes from upper head to lower back for the remainder of your pregnancy. Wearing a very large, cumbersome back brace 24 hours a days in the hot, dog-days of a good southern summer was not only oppressive but I smelled after a while. It was not a pleasant experience for anyone, especially me. But if it meant my babe was going to make it to term and that my back was going to be healed so I could carry, hold and love all my kiddies, then the stinkin' brace I will wear. I now have even greater respect for people with handicaps that are out in public, people are not so nice and the stares are incredibly rude. I used to just look at them an explain that I was in a car accident and that I am going to be alright. The look of relief would come over their face and they would go about their business never glancing my way again. Although it must have been such a sight to see an 8 months pregnant woman with this large contraption on! :-)

About 2-3 days after the accident, Bob and I go back to the crash site to retrieve items that have been tossed out of the car during the rollover. Right in the spot where Hannah had been was one of the Arlington volunteer cards that had been made for the family. We both started welling up with tears in our eyes. Hannah was right, "pop-pop" had been with her and here is the sign from above to prove it. He left us his calling card. He will always be one of my hero's, he gave us the gift of life.

About a week after the accident during normal conversations with the family, we again talked about baby names. This time, as I had with all baby names before, I checked the meaning. This was important to us to always know what our children's names mean. Christian of course, means to "Walk with God". If we weren't walking with God the day of that accident, I don't know what we were doing. Xander was right and was wise and profound beyond his years. Something or someone spoke to him to tell us that Christian was meant to be this child's name. It was never a name that had been suggested for this child before and while it had never been in our top 100 list of names, it was certainly at the top of our list now. Christian Charles was officially his name, the name that God had chosen for us to bestow upon him. Christian, to walk with God and Charles, strong and brave and the name of his grandfather, these were the names that he was meant to have.

On the day he was born, the delivery came rather quickly and almost too fast for the doc. She had been with me through the beginning of this arduous journey and wanted to be there no matter what was on her calendar. She wanted to deliver Christian. I took my brace off during the delivery process, much to the ortho docs chagrin, because I just needed the space to be a part of this experience without being confined. As soon as I took it off, he came into this world almost immediately thereafter and we have both never looked back!

All of our children are so lucky to have survived this experience. Our family got to see first hand how the world we live in is not under the power of the people that walk this earth but a greater power that guides us and helps us to reach our final destinations, whatever that might be.

Christian Charles' birth story will forever be one that I share as he was put on this earth for something divine and I look forward to watching him grow, learn and become the man he was meant to be!

Happy 4th birthday my darling babe, I love you more than words can ever express!!